


Levels of Stress Relief

by Entwife_Incognito



Category: The Mentalist
Genre: F/M, Farce, Friendship/Sex, Humor, Porn, Porn Without Plot, Rough Sex, Workplace Relationship, smutfest, smutty smut smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 13:15:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8403073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entwife_Incognito/pseuds/Entwife_Incognito
Summary: Jane and Lisbon on a little road trip in his Airstream motorhome. Lisbon steps up. Started as a one-shot, but saw it needed a second chapter. Maybe a little bit of an OOC romp, so heed this: Strong situations. If you don't like that stuff, then for sure don't read this! Hide the kids! Disclaimer: I don't own anything about The Mentalist.Originally posted at FFnet on January 20, 2014. Now here with minor edits to improve readability.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This two-chapter PWP is just venting my frustrations with the slow development of the Jisbon plot in the series and my attempt to take a different view at how the characters might jump-start it. Maybe it's OOC for that reason. I don't think we know enough about either of them sexually to really say, certainly not how they are sexually together. Suffice it to say that Bruno would never go where I go here, even in its most censored form. That's what makes it fun! Totally tongue-in-cheek. Just for fun and to shake it loose! But it is super-E, so be forewarned!

The past three weeks had been a hellacious blur of travel as case after case landed in the team's lap. Twice, the team had to split and go to different parts of the country to cover everything that needed to be done on multiple cases, logging days in unknown cities and nights in hotel rooms to study files, notes or seeking information on their laptops. No one had time for the hotel bar, sightseeing or any recreation, instead collapsing in exhaustion in the wee hours, sometimes still fully clothed.  


Their next case was in Texarkana. Jane had stubbornly refused to accept his airplane ticket from Fischer, saying he'd already figured out the case. Fischer strongly objected, saying fine, but they still needed to investigate and collect evidence.  


"Good. Go collect your evidence. You don't need me for that anyway. If you say I have to be there, I'll get there my own way. I'm taking the Airstream. It's about time I broke it in on the road. It needs to get out of the stable and go for a good gallop."  


"Stable?" said Fischer. "Don't you mean the FBI parking lot, taking up six spaces? I have to hear the grumbling every day."  


"Meh. I'll see you in Texarkana tomorrow. And I'm not coming straight back, either. I need some time off. This is your notice." He turned to Lisbon. "Ride back with me?"

Lisbon felt as worn out as she knew she looked. She was due a few days time off. A road trip in a top of the line motor home would be a lot of fun. She'd never actually traveled in one. "Yeah. Yeah, Jane. I'll keep you company." She turned to Fischer. "I need the time, Agent Fischer, if you'll approve the leave."  


Fischer looked from one to the other. "You're taking a trip together? Alone?"  


Turning away, Jane shuffled his feet and said nothing. What business did his boss have, questioning his personal relationships? There were no team fraternization rules in the FBI. And he was only a consultant.  


Lisbon spoke up. "Sorry. I wasn't meaning professional leave. It's personal leave I'm requesting. I've more than earned it." What she did on her own time was her own damn business and not subject to probing by her boss.  


Now Fisher was looking at the stiff back of her consultant and the distant glare of her newest employee. Lisbon was beginning to get that cold FBI stare down pat. Jane was resolute, bordering on stubborn, his jaw tense and his eyes narrowed and avoiding hers before he turned away. Lisbon looked a bit haggard, too pale and dark circles under her eyes. There was no reason to refuse the request. "You have your leave. Both of you. Three days. Keep your phones on, though, in case something comes up and we have to be on the move again."  


"Why?" Jane queried. "I'm sure you've already attached a GPS device to my Airstream. Send a helicopter, if you need me." He winked to take some of the sting from his remark. But everyone knew he meant, "Don't call."  


Lisbon followed Fischer out of the room, turning back to give Jane a goony smile and a thumbs up. "See you in Texarkana."  


He just smiled and winked. About time Lisbon asserted herself with Fischer. The woman was always prying about them, trying to get information about each other from them. Jane had already seen the character of the woman and what she was capable of. No telling what future use she might put to any information she gleaned. Not that there was anything to glean here.  


True to his word, Jane identified the culprit and directed the team about what type of evidence to look for and where. The case was wrapped up in no time and Jane dismissed himself early, escorting Lisbon out with a sweep of his arm and his other hand hovering over her lower back.  


Lisbon climbed the steps that Jane extended to invite entry into the passenger side and sat down in the cushy seat with a deep sigh. "Oh, this will put me to sleep in no time!"  


"I wouldn't advise it."  


"Well, I don't know why not."  


"You think I'm not as tired as you? Unless you want to drive, and let me sleep."  


"I can't drive this thing! My feet won't even reach the pedals and still let me see out the windshield."  


"Exactly. And I really need you, Lisbon. You have to help me stay awake. Okay?"  


Lisbon groaned. Why did he have to ask so nice? Why did he have to need her? "Okay. I understand. You could have told me how tired you were. I could have gone back with the team. We could check into a motel if you're that sleepy."  


"I'd rather travel with you. Do you mind? If so, you can still catch the team. Or, if you really want to, we'll find a motel and start tomorrow."  


"No. I have no real need to spend the extra time in Texarkana. The road will be more fun. We can stop early."  


"How about we make a little trip of it? We can go straight south to Shreveport. Lots of beautiful woodland. Have a good meal. Then cut back through east Texas and see the Azalea Trail in Tyler. The azaleas should be in full bloom. We can go slow, stop, eat and sleep anywhere, take our time and enjoy the Airstream.'  


He made it sound awfully good but, "Have you been planning this all along? You've manipulated me into being your sidekick on a road trip?"  


"What? No! I'm just trying to make it more appealing, that's all. I just thought of it. I swear! You have to believe me, Lisbon."  


She looked at him and could detect no deception. In fact, he looked a little tense, even fearful. But how did you really tell if a mentalist was deceiving you? She decided to trust him. It was easier. And the proposal sounded like fun, actually. "Okay. I'll be your traveling buddy, Jane."  


"Thanks. I'll try to make sure you have a good time. If you think of something you want to do or someplace you want to go, just let me know, okay?"  


They drove uneventfully for a couple hours, stopped for dinner at a café full of truckers and had a great meal. The cashier directed them to a nearby RV park. Jane followed the directions in the Airstream manual when they hooked up for the night, just to be sure things were not too different from when he hooked and unhooked into RV Parks throughout his youth. It didn't take long at all.  


"You want the bed in the back?"  


"No, Jane. That's your bedroom. I don't want to take it. Doesn't this couch make up into a bed?"  


"Yes it does. There's also a sleeping area above the cab there if you like being in a little cubby."  


Lisbon looked where he pointed. "No, not for me. Show me how the couch works."  


Jane had it together in a few easy moves and spread a sheet for her, plopping pillows and blankets on top. "You shower first. I'll sit out for a while. Let me know when you're done. I'm assuming you want to turn in early."  


"I really would, if you don't mind."  


"No. Like I said. I'm tired, too." He put his hand on the door. "I'll just be sitting on the steps, Lisbon. Holler if you need something."  


"Jane."  


"Yeah?"  


"I really have noticed that you're trying to do better."  


He looked at her and smiled. "Am I succeeding?"  


"Yes. And I appreciate it. It lets me relax around you." Shy. That was the look on his face. And she'd seen it a lot lately. But it hadn't moved their relationship any further along. Let him worry about what was inside his head. When he figured it out, he could let her know. She was finding her way in the FBI and their relationship was close enough for now.  


The shower cubicle was tiny, strictly functional and no place to satisfy the unrest that was building low in her body. She wished Jane wasn't so good looking. Truth was, she was really attracted to him and tired of waiting. His revenge quest was over and why should she be Saint Teresa anymore? What if they didn't have love? What if they just had something physical? She considered this for the millionth time. Tonight, it sounded perfect.  


Resting on the couch while Jane showered, she caught a glimpse of his broad back, a towel wrapped around his waist and draping his fine round ass, before he shut the door to his room. Her body was a traitor, buzzing and wanting release. Why did this have to be one of those nights?  


Opening the door, Jane called goodnight and she answered in kind. "Holler if you need anything, Lisbon."  


Did he sleep naked? Damn! She'd never fall asleep this way. Had she been alone, either at home or in a motel room, no problem. What she needed was in her bag. Too noisy here. Jane would recognize the sound immediately. Even if she didn't use it, she doubted she could stifle her cries enough in this quiet. She rolled to her side and tried to relax, forget it.  


Lisbon tossed around on the couch for an hour. So desperate for sleep, she now ached double, pining for release and oblivion at the same time. Someone now softly snoring in the back room could bring both. She could do it for herself, but why? No sane, healthy man would refuse her, no matter what cyclonic argument he had going in his head.  


She could have tip-toed to his room, but she didn't bother. Let him know she was coming for him. Let him quake in uncertainty if he wanted to waste the time. But he hadn't stirred, a blanket covering his shoulders and the face of a tousled angel relaxed in sleep. Well, that was over!  


"Jane. Let me in your bed. I can't sleep. I need you." She didn't wait for his answer, but crawled in to face him where he lay on his side, blinking himself awake.  


Oh! He loved this dream! It always turned out well.  


Lisbon saw a sappy smile spread across his face. "Jane! Wake up! Can I get in your bed?"  


Shaking his head, he took a deep breath. Lisbon was in his face. She looked kind of put out. "You are in my bed, Lisbon."  


"I can't sleep. I need you."  


She needed him, to go to sleep. That meant only one thing in his book. "Are you in my bed for sex?"  


"What do you think?"  


"I don't know. I don't know this side of you."  


"Do you want to?"  


"Are you here only for stress relief to help you sleep, or because you realize your deep feelings for me and want to make love?"  


"Stress relief."  


"I'll take it."  


"Put your hand here." Taking his hand, she slid it inside the front of her panties, gripping his wrist to push it down the rest of the way, and rubbed herself on him. "Your fingers, Jane, please."  


Jane huffed as desire shot through him. Throwing off his blanket, Lisbon saw he was indeed naked, and hard! He moved to a better angle to accommodate her, his finger already wet just from searching how she was made. Lisbon wriggled out of her panties and propped her leg up.  


"Not shy, are you?"  


"Should I be?"  


"God, no!" He kissed her then, all sucking and tongue as his fingers worked below. She started to move her hips and her breath quickened. He could feel her skin radiate heat. "Not so fast, Lisbon. I want something, too."  


Since Lisbon wanted only stress relief, Jane figured she might just roll over or even move back to her own bed once she was satisfied. Somehow the selfishness of it lit a fire in his belly. He pushed up her shirt and went batshit at the sight of her full, naked tits. "Lisbon! These are perfect! Why have you been hiding them in sports bras?" He tackled them like a contestant in a pie-eating contest, rubbing his entire face all over each one at some point, groaning and moaning helplessly as he tried to stuff an entire breast into his mouth and failed miserably.  


When she couldn't refocus his fingers on their first task, Lisbon reached low. Jane hollered loudly, dropping the breast, and rolled to his back when she suddenly took hold of his cock and began to squeeze and massage it expertly.  


He opened his legs. "Do whatever you want!"  


Lisbon played him with her hands, using the leaking hole on the head for a pivot while her fingers rode him like a pole dancer. Shit! Someone should kick his ass for putting this off for so long! Maybe that's what she was doing right now because she stopped as suddenly as she had started.  


He whimpered and looked at her with big eyes. "Why did you stop?"  


"I don't want you rolling over and going to sleep without finishing me! This is my sleeping pill, remember?"  


"You think I'd do that?" Who was he kidding? The way she had handled him was forcing a brain drain and he would have been unconscious in a minute! This woman knew her power! And her men.  


"Your fingers, Jane. You were doing a great job before you got distracted."  


She peeled his fingers from his nose where he had placed them when her words had reminded him where they had been. "Come on, now. You have such graceful, long straight fingers. Let's put them to good use, huh?"  


"What if I put my mouth there, instead?"  


"No. We don't know each other well enough for that."  


"What? Twelve years, Lisbon . . . "  


"No. I mean we're not intimate enough. Our relationship isn't to that level."  


Now his bottom lip stuck out. "We're at the hand job level."  


"Now you got it." She bit his pouting lip, then laced her tongue across it. "I'll let you kiss me while you do it."  


He couldn't refuse the deal.  


She directed him like a hand puppet. "Can you get three fingers—Oh! That's it! There's the spot. Now your thumb in fr—Yes! Rub it around like that. Oh, god, perfect. Oh, some more."  


Jane concentrated on kissing her so that she couldn't see him roll his eyes. Her mouth was a siren's call, soft and hot, dizzyingly active with his tongue. He wanted to put the head of his dick in there so bad! But he was very sure they weren't to that level yet.  


"Now, your little finger . . . can you wiggle it in back? Jesus, it's so long, you're almost there, but that spot will do just f—" She came in mid-sentence, rocking frenetically against his hand and crooning something that sounded like the tune to "I Got A Brand New Pair of Roller Skates."  


Lisbon sighed, rolled to her back and closed her eyes, but Jane placed her hand on a cock in extremis. "You promised, Lisbon."  


Turning to him, eyes still shut, she wrapped both hands on him and lazily gathered the fire from his belly and the molten lava from his back, directing it to spurt hotly all over her stomach as he moaned in ecstasy. Kissing him gently on the lips, she said, "Better?"  


He mumbled something as unintelligible to himself as to her and fell asleep as Lisbon spooned her back to his chest and dropped off, herself.  


That night started a marathon of sex that caught a corner of Louisiana and traveled half the state of Texas, taking three days to complete. Jane constantly thanked the universe for his luck. Lisbon had an experimental nature and they moved through the stages of intimacy like a jet plane, forsaking the levels of relationship development for driving each other through the levels of panting exhaustion and ecstasy.  


It started that first morning they woke up in Jane's bed, his morning hard on wedged underneath the cleft of Lisbon's ass, riding gently back and forth as Jane grew long and hard, holding her shoulder and breathing at her ear. When conscious, she pulled away immediately.  


"Lisbon. I've got a three-alarm fire going here! Let me in you."  


Her back remained turned to him. "I knew I couldn't give an inch to you without you wanting a mile."  


He wedged his hand in, searching for the depression that would tell him he'd found home. She angled her backside up and closer to him. When he penetrated her with a finger, they groaned together. She was already wet. Her heat clung to him like her moisture as he inserted another finger, enticing her.  


She pulled away again and, feeling the bed move, looked over her shoulder to find him on his knees, arms held wide in supplication. "Oh, come on, Lisbon! Will I ever get to fuck you?"  


Turning more, she examined the fat pink thing he offered, erect and going ruby at the head, imagining the length of it moving deep inside her. "Oh, all right. But take it slow, and make it last because you won't get it again." She made no move to change position and turned her head back to the pillow.  


Slipping lower to guide himself in, he swore as her heat enveloped him in a tight glove of wet, allowing him to slide in with unexpected ease. "Shit! Oh god, oh god, oh god!"  


"You don't believe in God—Ah! Oh!"  


He was pressing deep now, picking up speed. "It's just a saying. Lift your leg so I can go deeper."  


Lisbon complied and soon her back was arched to position her hips for the deepest penetration. Before long, she was even moving them, undulating against him as he held each inward stroke for her lavish attention. He saw her slip her hand between her legs and the muscles of her lower arm work as she rubbed herself, her breath picking up speed and depth, punctuated by kittenish cries that drove Jane mad.  


"Lisbon, I hope you're on the pill because I'm not wearing a condom and I'm com— Ah! Ah! Ah! What are you doing?" It was a rhetorical question. Lisbon was coming as he shot into her, her muscles squeezing and milking him like a dockworker's handshake.  


After that, they were in something of a sex free-for-all, unfailingly eager for one another's bodies. Nights they stayed in RV parks, Lisbon opening all the Airstream's windows, insisting that the sex funk be allowed to dissipate. Jane protested, saying it helped keep his focus on nailing her. Their night cries filled the park like exotic hoot owls. There was more funk in the morning, but by the time they showered and stowed things away for the next boffing stop, the open windows had aired it out again.  


She let him at her doggy-style north of Shreveport, his big hands gripping her hips to slam into her so he could hear her grunt and oof, peeking to her sides to see her breasts bounce and quake on his fierce bottom stroke. She finally lowered her shoulders, yelling, "Put your hand on me!" He leaned over her back and rubbed her like he was trying to coax Jeanie from the bottle. She came big, slamming back at him until he hollered and pushed her flat and wide to empty himself inside her.  


They did it missionary style at Marshall. Jane worked her very slow, watching for the moments when she would look in his eyes to tell her how beautiful she was, how much he loved being inside her. She nibbled his ear lobe and indulged in long, lavish kisses that made his scalp tingle. She discovered that if he didn't put his full weight on her hips, she could glide along him like a glass rod, the fat head of his cock jamming gently against a spot that made her come three times. Jane was gentleman enough to let her, sweating and whining.  


He whispered, almost crying, "I don't know if I can hold back."  


"Don't hold back. Let me have you. Please don't hold back. Show me how it is with you, how you want me. I want you, too." She wrapped her legs around his waist to encourage him. It was the closest they came to love talk.  


He hammered into her, scooting her up the mattress with the force of his thrusts until she put her hands on the wall to stop any further forward momentum. She writhed under him, groaning her impatience as another orgasm built, yelling, "Bite me! Bite me!" and he jammed into her one last time, pushing deep, both of them coming as he sank his teeth into her shoulder and she screamed through an ecstatic smile. He would never hear her say, "Bite me," again without thinking of this moment.  


East of Longview, they went big with mutual self-touch, leaning across from each other at either corner of the bed, using their eyes to feast and fantasize, gasping out for a better view or a closer look. Jane started talking about what he was doing and imagining and Lisbon went wanton on his ass, tossing him her vibrator and a condom and asking him to put it in his butt. It was buzzing bee heaven as he worked it in and out at her command, one hand on an erection that throbbed like a toothache. She put fingers in and on everything she had, pinching her nipples and spreading herself open for Jane to see when he asked. He finished like a geyser. He wanted his mouth on her sweet little pussy in the worst way.  


The route of the Azalea Trail in Tyler was slow and luxurious, blossoms of every color in lavish display everywhere. Lisbon was hot for him by the end, saying all those flowers made her horny. Jane installed a posh hotel flower arrangement, giant and lush, in the foyer of his memory palace, the card made out to Lisbon.  


They stopped just out of town and she finally let him taste her. At first he was focused on making it good for her so she would let him do it again, pressing her thighs wide to lave every surface. But he got lost in her scent, her movement, her structure and the multitude of sounds he could wring from her voice until she shattered, the rhythm of her climax squeezing his tongue as it lay buried and lapping her inside.  


Her clit got so hard under its fleshy exterior when she came that he turned his attention there to prolong it for her as long as he could. He was rewarded when her back arched and she came even harder the second time, pulling his hair until he could feel strands of it pinch and pop loose. The chill of the pain rode his spine and before he could regain control he was emptying himself on her right knee.  


Outside some little town between Tyler and Dallas, Lisbon wanted Lady Rider. He counted himself the luckiest bull in the paddock, watching his granite erection disappear inside her as she settled her hips onto him. His hands never stopped caressing her bouncing boobs as he watched her face express every pleasure and frustration until it reflected her beautiful release. Then she curled her body over him and hungrily tongued and suckled his nipples as he poled her hard enough that she came again, tipping him over the edge in something so ecstatic it was almost painful.  


They were starting to get tired. And hungry. So they indulged their palates for the next leg of the journey, eating in restaurants and ordering dessert. They enjoyed the satiation of their full stomachs in place of sex for a short time. It was a welcome change from grabbing survivables from a convenience store to fuel rounds of sex or driving. Their last restaurant meal was spent watching the other eat, until they were hungrier for each other than the meal.  


It was soixante-neuf in the parking lot as soon as they could shed their clothes. Lisbon's mouth was as heavenly and as skilled as Jane imagined it to be. Surely her intent was to denude him like a smoked turkey leg and make him like it. When he came, she directed his pulsing flesh to give herself a pearl necklace. In the excitement of her release, Lisbon nearly strangled him with her cop thighs and Jane thought quietly that she might have damaged his windpipe. But, as long as he could still breathe . . .  


By this time, they were outside of Waco, eating snow cones to pass the time and soothe their raw lips. They lasted until north of Georgetown where they pulled off the interstate for one last round. It was lady's choice, and Lisbon arched her bottom high in the air to receive him in that most tender of places and put a bruise behind his knee when she gripped the tendon, threatening wordlessly to rip it loose when he got a little too enthusiastic.  


They pulled into the FBI parking lot at last. Lisbon was walking a little funny, butt stuck out and thighs just a little too wide for a normal gait. "Ouch!" She'd settled her bag on the wrong shoulder and quickly transferred it to the unbitten one.  


"Open the windows," she reminded Jane. Then she cocked her head. "On second thought, leave them. We don't want that getting out into the parking lot."  


Jane was dragging his left leg a bit, still unsure whether the tendon Lisbon had used to curb him would finally just pop loose. Luckily their clothing covered all the collateral damage, the bites and scratches, bumps and little bruises that arise from vigorously positioning one's self. Or being vigorously positioned by someone.  


Lisbon went straight to her car, waving as she left for home and making the universal hand signal for, "Call me." Her lips were stinging. A look in the rearview mirror made her think Angelina Jolie, only red and raw. She rummaged in her purse, shifting on her uncomfortable lady parts to slouch on her uncomfortable bottom where Jane had gone at her like he was drilling for oil. He sure wouldn't do that again! She bet both sets of her lips matched for swollen red, and raw, smiling at the thought of a hot soak in the tub. Damn! Where was her lip balm?  


Clean clothes draped over his arm and kit in hand, Jane headed for the shower room in the building's gym. Fischer passed him at some point.  


"You're limping."  


His voice was raspy and he rubbed his throat as if it hurt. "Driving cramp. Had to break myself in pretty fast. It'll get better with practice."  


After his shower, he really needed to find a drugstore. It would probably be best to pressure-wrap his sore tendon to support it just in case. Some mild lotion or, better yet, a cream to sooth his manly bits. He was sure his dick was going to peel after the friction of a three-day workout. Maybe some throat lozenges- he still couldn't swallow quite right. And condoms—that question was still out there.  


He wondered if Lisbon would be home later . . .


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite awhile back, I had a request for Jane and Lisbon to go to the infirmary and play doctor. You know who you are and I won't out you here . Even though I had no intent for this story to have that type of element, this is probably as close as I will get to that scenario.

Good thing his body knew automatic well. Jane stood in a hot shower, hissing at all the sting, his mind as diffuse as the foggy steam while nearly scalding water worked its painful magic on his sore muscles and ravaged skin. The relief was temporary, and he was not sure if he felt better afterwards since the soreness seeped back in as his body cooled. Well, at least he was clean. And smelled better.  


He looked down at the instrument of his current physical demise. It rested between his legs, softly pink and harmless looking. Now toweled off, its skin felt a little rough and dry. Gently rolling the tri-lobal flesh in his cupped hand, Jane examined his genitals for damage. The skin of his dick looked kind of dull and scratched, like a child's cheeks, weathered by exposure to a day of sledding in winter. Jane knew it would get worse before it got better. Bad boy needed some moisturizer. Even his balls felt a little tender, having slapped out the equivalent of the Hallelujah Chorus on Teresa's sweet nether regions.  


On their Airstream road trip, he and Lisbon had engaged in every form and position of sexual congress that had come easily to mind. Might have to get a manual for fresh ideas. On second thought, he doubted he had fully tapped Teresa's inventiveness or willingness to experiment. There was truly a thread of bitterness in his thoughts that he had not tapped into it sooner. Clearly, she had wanted it as much as him.  


The normal process of dressing wouldn't work. The injured tendon nearly tossed him on his ass when he stood on that leg to slip the other into his underwear. It even barked when he stood on his good leg and tried to bend the maimed one to let it go first. Conceding, he sat on the bench and after putting both feet through, pulling his shorts to his knees, he followed the same steps for his pants and stood to pull them both up together. That knee was going to need some real attention. He wondered briefly what he would say to a doctor and decided to avoid that.  


His windpipe had snapped back into place when he bared his throat to a long stream of hot water, like using heat to shape a piece of plastic. It felt normal now, just a little rawness left in his throat.  


Hoping she was up for a night visitor, he texted Lisbon. They needed to talk. _You up?_ Keys in hand, he left the building and headed for his car and a late-night drugstore.  


_Yes. It's only 9pm. Why?_  


_At the drugstore. Wondered if you need anything._ This had become a familiar routine as they traveled, replenishing stores from various markets along the way.  


Jane grabbed a cart and started gathering the items he wanted.  


First priority, condoms! Counting on his luck to hole, he pulled three twelve-packs from the shelf. Didn't want these to be forgotten at the last minute! He'd be ready next time, now that he knew what she was capable of.  


_Tucks._  


Uh-oh.  


_Corticzone cream. Coconut oil from pharmacy section._  


Major chapping going on here. He'd get a second coconut oil for himself. Be just the thing for his bad boy.  


_Lip balm, unflavored. 6-pk Hershey bars: 1 almond, 1 plain, Snowballs, 2 packages._  


Hmmmmm. Some emotional medicine. Several day's worth. That might not be a good sign.  


_Antibiotic ointment. Do they have ice cream in pints?_  


Crap! Was it that bad? Probably up to a week's supply now.  


_Yes. Blue Bell and Hagen Daas._  


_Anything chocolate and BB homestyle vanilla. Cinnamon gum. That's all._  


He heard his ringtone before the phone bottomed in his pocket. _2-inch gauze. Adhesive tape._  


Some patching up. Probably that bite. Well, she hollered for it.  


_2-litre Coke._  


_Diet?_  


_No. Want sugar. Make that half-gallon vanilla._  


Fuck. He was a dead man.  


Lisbon opened the door and Jane watched her walk back to the couch, leaving him to lock up.  


"I just thought I'd come by and commiserate over our love wounds. Nobody else would understand."  


"Thanks for going to the drugstore. I needed to, but I didn't feel like going out again after I got home."  


"You're walking funny. Hmmmm. Jut-butt. Bit of a waddle. Yep. Hot shower didn't do much for you either, I see. No . . hot soak in the tub is what you went for. Sorry it didn't help." He put on a big smile, hoping to add some cheer.  


She turned to give him a withering look as he limped toward the living room, favoring his left leg, three loaded drugstore sacks hanging from the opposite hand. "That knee must be bad if you have to counterweigh it."  


"Uh. Yes. I got something to wrap it at the drugstore." Remembering what was in the sacks, he said, "I'll put the ice cream in the freezer." He separated the rest of her things, leaving his sacks on the counter. Opening the lozenges, he popped one in his mouth and brought the support wrap to the armchair to sit down. "Oooof. Glad to get off that leg!" He smiled at Lisbon, then gazed quietly as she moved to the couch.  


A square patch of gauze and adhesive tape showed under her tank top, buoyed up by one of her unfortunate sports bras. Ah, well. The cleavage was still spectacular, even squashed. Lisbon seemed to favor the bandaged shoulder when she moved. She sat down gingerly on a donut pillow.  


"Oh, my. Sorry about that, too."  


"How's the windpipe?"  


"Snapped back under hot water like deformed plastic. Just a little hoarseness left. I got lozenges." He stuck his tongue out and showed her, then started reading the package instructions, looking at his knee to figure out the drawings and references as she watched him.  


Lisbon got up. "Here. I'll do it. I've done it a million times for my brothers."  


"Yeah? Okay. Thanks." As she kneeled on the floor in front of him, he moved his foot toward her so that she could work more easily.  


Maybe a little conversation. "I couldn't help wondering about your grocery list."  


"Oh, yeah? What about it?"  


"Looked like a lot of swelling and chafing."  


She looked directly at him. "And that surprised you?"  


"No. Just checking if you're all right."  


"Minor injuries. You?"  


"Same. Except for this knee, I guess."  


"Is this too tight?" She stuck a finger under what she had wound and tugged firmly.  


"A little, I think."  


Partially unwinding the wrap, she wound it back a little looser. "You probably should be elevating it . . . put an ice pack."  


"I'll do that later. Ah! That feels better, thanks."  


"About the rest of your grocery list . . . it looked like food to, uh, cheer you up."  


She smiled skeptically. "What?"  


"You know. Chocolate. Ice cream. Snowball cupcakes . . . are you . . . upset . . . about our trip?"  


"No! I had a great time." She froze and then looked at him, concerned. "What about you?"  


"Fantastic! Loved every minute of it. Nothing like a little unexpected sex to make one enthusiastic about a road trip. Or a relationship."  


The look in her eyes softened towards him, taking in his double meaning."Good."  


"But then, why all the sugar and chocolate?"  


"Idiot. I'm getting my period."  


"Oh!" His brow wrinkled. "Did we do something to it?"  


Lisbon laughed out loud for so long, repeating 'Did we do something to it' at intervals, that she had to wipe tears from her eyes, hooting her breath back to normalcy.  


He'd never seen her do that. It was nice! "I'm not kidding. I've never been on a marathon quite like that. It's not like we don't have other damage."  


"No! Well, yeah. Maybe. I am a little early. Or, at least I think I am. I haven't started yet."  


"Is that what all this junk food is for?"  


"Hey! There's nothing junky about chocolate and ice cream!"  


"Snowballs?"  


"Okay. One junk food."  


"Coke?"  


"That's a beverage."  


"Oooooooh. I see."  


"Stop counting." She picked up a fastener for the wrap and judged where to put it. "Do you want a Coke float?"  


"Yes!"  


Finishing off the wrap, Lisbon patted his calf and said, "Done! Try it out."  


He stood up and walked around. "Oh, this is so much better! You don't know how grateful I am. I've been in pain for hours."  


"Yeah. Sorry about that."  


"I should have been more careful with you, Lisbon. I'm the one who should be sorry."  


They sat silently, sipping Coke floats, shifting uncomfortably in their seats.  


"Jane?"  


"Hmmmm?" He suppressed a belch as best he could. "Mmmmm! This is so good! I'm glad you thought of it!"  


"Jane. I'm really uncomfortable. I need to put my medicines on."  


"Mmm. I'm glad you mentioned it, Lisbon. Let me get that shoulder for you. I can do it easier." He cleared the bottom of his glass with a loud flourish and took it with him to the kitchen to get what he needed from the counter, then decided to bring all the medical supplies.  


Unsticking the tape already holding the bandage proved to be the most difficult for Jane. He winced and sucked his teeth and apologized as Lisbon screwed her face against the slow sting.  


"Oh! Wait, Jane!' She reached up and jerked each strip of tape, swearing each time, and the bandage was finally off.  


Guilt stabbed him at the sight of the bite marks he had put there. "That looks really bad, Lisbon. Kind of red and swollen. I need to wash it really good. It won't be pleasant."  


"Just do it. There's peroxide in my bathroom cabinet. Just burn a hole in the sucker."  


Jane laughed, but was impressed by her bravado. "That's our little law enforcement flower!"  


Once he got the wound cleaned up, he laved it with peroxide, slathered it with antibiotic salve and applied a clean dressing. "It looks much better now."  


"Thanks. It would have been a pain to do myself."  


"Speaking of pain, Lisbon, how are you, you know, down there?"  


She looked affronted.  


"I only ask because I see you're walking funny. So, you're in pain even though you've soaked in a hot tub. Can I help?"  


"You must be out of your mind."  


Jane sniffed, a little peeved. "I thought I proved my worth on your shoulder."  


"I can put the medicine on my twattie."  


"I could do it much more easily since I could see everything and know where the medicine needs to go."  


"You just want to look at it."  


"That would be one of the side benefits, yes, I admit it." He winked at her. "But I've already seen it. Up close. A number of times. So . . . your hesitancy does not hold water. I will still admire your twattie, but I won't try to make it want me."  


"It already wants you. But it can't have you until it heals."  


Lisbon watched Jane turn a beautiful shade of pink and a wide smile open across his face. His eyes, so warm and deep, held her gaze until she blushed and looked shyly away.  


"That makes me very happy, Teresa."  


"My god. I can't believe you are talking me out of my pants!" She quickly denuded her bottom half.  


Still in her bra and tank top, she flopped onto the couch on her back and Jane sat close, parting her legs and draping the outside one over his knees.  


She was beautiful, even raw. "Oh, yeah, you're really red and swollen here. The cortisone cream, I think." Handling her as little as possible, he tried to see the extent of the inflammation, then applied the cream. "Poor twattie. It'll just take a sec and we'll be done." He got up. "Hold your legs open a minute, Lisbon and let that soak in and dry."  


"I'll go make some tea." He wanted to let her dry in peace, and not worry about any awkwardness she might feel from her position on the couch. He came back, dunking his tea bag as she was bent away from him, putting on her panties.  


"You have some chapping back there, Lisbon. Looks a little like you've been spanked. Probably rub burns."  


"Couldn't be worse than the stubble burn on my boobs. And no, you can't put medicine on them. I'll take care of it before I go to bed." She tried to look around at her behind. "But I can't see."  


"No, you wouldn't . . . by yourself. Some coconut oil, maybe?" He dug in the bag and couldn't find it. "Must have fallen out in the kitchen. I remember seeing it since I've been here, but I really didn't pay attention."  


"I'll go get it."  


Oh, what a perfect view! Her rough-tanned little rump as she went to the kitchen and her lovely thighs brushing the delta of her sex as she walked back to him.  


Lying on her stomach, her head resting on her arms, she was the picture of relaxation. Something about it touched him, so trusting and easy. It felt like a gift and he tenderly rubbed the oil into the bright pink. "Anything else?"  


"You might not like this one. But you can get it easier than me." She turned around to look at him and pointed to her luscious bottom.  


"Why wouldn't I like it? I'm intimately acquainted with that part of your anatomy." He looked at the shapely white flesh, freckled even there. "In fact, it's very sweet. I should kiss it hello." He pressed a gentle kiss on each mound, savoring the scent of her rose bubble bath.  


"Well, your handshake is a little rough."  


"I am sorry about that. Let me see it." He spread a cheek. "Oh yes. That's a very red rosebud you have there."  


"It stings." She looked at him, cheeks aflame. "Inside, too."  


"I'll put some medicine in there."  


"It doesn't want to play."  


"Of course not. I only want to love it and take care of it." Lisbon blushed even harder, but this time with pleasure at his profession of love for her butt.  


So careful with her tender flesh, he cared for her, then slipped her panties back onto her legs and patted her fanny to signal he was finished. She pulled them the rest of the way, crawled into his lap and kissed him, then laid her cheek on his shoulder and sighed as he kissed her forehead.  


"How about you? Do you have any more injuries?"  


He shifted a little uncomfortably. It was lovely to have her on his lap, but, "Well, bad boy is chafing a little in my underwear. I'm a little raw myself. I think I need to see to it, very distracting and uncomfortable."  


"I'll do it."  


He kissed her head. "Unlike you, I have an outie. Very easy to get to."  


"But I want to. Let me. You took care of me. Even my butt."  


"I loved taking care of your butt."  


"I love taking care of you, too. Let me. I'll put some coconut oil on you. It won't take long."  


How could he refuse? Why would he want to? He dropped his pants and kicked them away.  


"Lie down on the couch and let me see." She pulled down his underwear and looked at everything, handling the soft flesh. "You're very pretty here, Patrick."  


"Handsome. Please, Lisbon. Bad boy will be offended. He's very macho."  


"Oh! Your skin is so dry." She rubbed the coconut oil on. "Wow, it's just soaking it up. You need more." Her face looked thoughtful as she concentrated on what she was doing. "Such a very specialized organ."  


"Yes. And really special to me."  


"Me, too! It's a lot of fun, and you sure know how to use it!"  


"See, now. You're flattering it and it's getting proud."  


"I think I'm done, anyway."  


"Just in time, I think."  


"Are you a little swollen here?" She brushed the front of his balls gently with her fingertips. "Looks a bit puffy and your skin's kind of warm."  


"I wouldn't be surprised. You remember all those slapping noises? Went on for about three days?"  


Putting her hand over her rounded mouth, Lisbon laughed. "Oh, my! Your poor balls!"  


"That's the place."  


Very carefully, she smoothed coconut oil on his battered balls. "Okay. You're done."  


"I feel much better."  


Lisbon stretched and yawned while he dressed. "Where's my gum?"  


"Uh, it must be in the bottom of one of those sacks." He pointed to the ones he had set on the coffee table nursing station as he put on his pants.  


She rummaged around and pulled out her pack of gum, giggling uproariously. "What's with all the condoms, Jane? Thirty-six!" She smirked at him mercilessly.  


"That didn't seem like a lot, for us," he grinned. "I thought I might get lucky again."  


"So many? I am on the pill, you know."  


"No. I didn't know. I asked, but you were too . . . " He smiled and caressed her cheek. ". . . distracted to answer."  


"Just how lucky were you expecting to get?"  


"You're the one who trained me!"  


Lisbon blushed and lowered her head, smiling. "We'll save those for . . . you know. Rosebud."  


"Lisbon. After that road trip . . . now you're bashful with me?"  


"It feels different now."  


His heart sank a little. "Regrets?"  


Snapping her head up to look him in the eyes, her face was the portrait of surprise. "No! I think it feels better between us. Don't you?" Her eyes were softer now, taking him in.  


The sudden relief made him sweat a little. "I do. It feels so much better, I really don't have words to tell you how much better it feels." He paused. "I have to tell you something. I don't even feel afraid. But first I want you to see something."  


Jane, afraid? Lisbon studied his wide, graceful hands as he held them in front of her. Then, he simply removed his ring and put it in his pocket.  


"I don't need it anymore. I don't want it to come between us. The thing is . . . I love you, Teresa. I want us to be together."  


She clasped his hands, then put her palms under his to gaze at his long fingers, naked without exception now. She moved to stroke his left hand, tracing her fingertip in the indentation left by the ring. "It was a barrier, Patrick. I knew I wasn't first in your heart. And I wanted to be first because I love you, too. I almost broke my heart, loving you."  


He pulled her into an embrace. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You were so brave, coming to me in the Airstream, getting in my bed."  


"I didn't feel brave. I wanted to dare you to refuse me."  


"I could never . . . "  


"You're a puzzle box, endlessly fascinating and delicate."  


"I am not delicate!"  


She looked at him askance and managed to snort and blow a raspberry at the same time.  


"I walked on eggshells around you for ten years. It's been happening again. And for good reasons, don't get me wrong. I regret none of it. How could I, when it brought me the best friend I could ever have or hope to have?"  


Jane's face went suddenly quiet and still before he allowed a certain anguish to show in his eyes, where it could not be mistaken. "You're my best friend, too. The most wonderful, endearing, lovely friend I could ever wish for. You changed my life. I'd do anything for you."  


"You _have_ done anything for me. You've done everything for me in the most dire and difficult circumstances imaginable. Everything you could. You think I didn't know that? Couldn't see?"  


"I wanted you to see . . . but things get so . . . so tangled up sometimes."  


"That's you, the intricate puzzle box that is Patrick Jane. Everything a trick, hidden mechanisms, needing just the right touch to open up. It's irresistible. But so delicate. You think you've almost got it. And you never do."  


"I'm not a puzzle to you, Lisbon."  


"Oh, please. Stop with the charming bullshit. You know I don't like puzzle boxes. Remember what I did with the last one?"  


His face registered the initial shock as if it had just happened. "You got a hammer out of your desk! You kept a hammer in there!"  


"And I smashed that box. Easy peasy."  


"You got out your hammer in the Airstream, all right."  


"I didn't think of it that way at the time but, yes. I did. I wanted to break you and get what was inside, whatever I could have."  


"You have all of me, all you want."  


"I want it all. Every bit." Bracing her hands on his arms, she stood on her toes and kissed him.  


She was intoxicating but he couldn't pretend that either of them was in any condition to carry things further. "It's late. I'd better go." He contradicted himself by wrapping his arms around her.  


"Yes. I guess you'd better. Let's do something in a couple of days."  


"Love to. Maybe go out to lunch on the weekend? Take a walk in the park, get some ice cream. Just easy. We still may not be healed up."  


"Kisses are great . . . :  


"Yes, they are." And he took one, then winked at her. "See you at work tomorrow?"  


"Tomorrow."  


Letting her go, he walked out the door, putting the period on perhaps the most important three days of his life.


End file.
